


We'll Be Alright

by jaerie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Because alphas are fictional, Birth Control, Depression, Dubious Ethics, Emotions, Hospital Sex, Hospitalization, Intersex Omegas, Knotting, M/M, Major Illness, Mating, Medical Conditions, Medical Debt, Medical Inaccuracies, Omega Louis, Pheromones, Pregnant Sex, Prostate Milking, Recovery, Scenting, Self-Lubrication, Sexual Dysfunction, Sexual Frustration, So I had to make most of it up, Unknown Illness, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unsafe Sex, because the american healthcare system is broken, experimental treatments, sex therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 11:53:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22849714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaerie/pseuds/jaerie
Summary: It started with things Harry could easily explain away.  Having moved across the country for law school, feeling exhausted was something everyone around him was feeling.  It was a heavy workload with pressure and stress but it was nothing Harry couldn’t handle - until he couldn't.  In and out of hospitals for months, it isn't until the final hours that a diagnosis is made.  After that, it's up to experimental treatments and will power to overcome the symptoms that he'll have to deal with for the rest of his life.  Every step of his recovery is a struggle, but it's nice to have a therapist devoted to his well being, even if it forces him to make some decisions against his code of ethics.  At least, in the end, he has hope.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 53
Kudos: 639





	1. test of my patience

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please read the tags and come ask me if you'd like to know any specifics before reading. Harry has what is considered an incurable condition and there is a lot of description about his hospitalization, IVs, feeding tubes, etc. The fic focuses on his recovery rather than the decline of his health. 
> 
> Part two will follow later tonight.

It started with things Harry could easily explain away. Having moved across the country for law school, feeling exhausted was something everyone around him was feeling. It was a heavy workload with pressure and stress but it was nothing Harry couldn’t handle. Studying late into the night and cramming part time jobs between classes was how Harry had made it to where he was. 

So harry had powered through the fatigue as much as he could and beating himself up when he fell asleep in one of his open books or sleeping through his early morning work out alarm. He convinced himself it was just the added stress of those things when there seemed to be more than just a few long hairs collecting around the shower drain every day. It was just his sporadic eating schedule that had him feeling light headed when he stood up and made a note to keep better track of his meals. 

They were all things that university students experienced at one time or another. It was stressful to stay towards the top of the class of a very intense and driven program. 

But when he fainted and crumpled down the stairs of a packed lecture hall while everyone gathered their things, Harry was forced to admit that maybe things just weren’t quite right. 

His blood pressure was low, the doctor at the emergency room told him when he went to get patched up from the tumble. He’d earned himself five stitches near his temple and six along his jaw. They hooked him up to IV fluids and kept him overnight, releasing him in the morning with advice to take better care of himself. 

That was nine months ago and things had slowly grown worse. He was in and out of the hospital so frequently that his advisor had urged him to take a leave of absence to preserve his grade point and his chances of graduating. 

He might be more accepting of that decision if they could tell him what was wrong with him. At least then there would be an end in sight and a future to plan for. As it was, he had been tested for what felt like hundreds of things, each one coming back with information that brought them no closer than they had been before.

They said every test helped by process of elimination, but Harry was starting to feel like he’d never know what was causing his body to break down. The onset of each new symptom gave him less hope that he’d ever feel normal again. 

His hair was cropped short now, a desperate attempt to slow the process of his thinning locks or at least disguise it. He ran his fingers through it as he looked out the hospital window at the fluffy white clouds set behind their gentle blue background. His room was high enough that he couldn’t even view the world from above if he wasn’t able to be part of it. 

This stretch of hospitalization was going on a month now, the doctors refusing to discharge him until his blood pressure stabilized for more than twenty-four hours. The longest it had held was seven. He couldn’t even argue when he could barely cross the mere five feet from his bed to the bathroom on his own without an overwhelming dizzy spell or fainting all together. 

It wasn’t just his blood pressure either. Already a frail ghost of his former self, Harry was still losing weight and struggled to keep any of his meals down. The thin feeding tube running down his nose and taped across his cheek was embarrassing and uncomfortable, but one of the only ways for him to get any calories. 

He hated to see the look on the doctor’s faces as they ordered another patch for his condition. They were all reactive and temporary solutions just to keep him alive when they seemed to have no idea what was going on. It was a race against time for a diagnosis as they broke the news that his kidneys had started to shut down. He would be starting dialysis if the medications they’d added to his growing menu of drugs didn’t start to work. 

The worst part was that he felt like he couldn’t do anything about it but lie there and let it happen. It was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on studying to keep himself from falling too behind and there was only so much day time tv he could force himself to watch before he started to go crazy. His family tried to visit as much as they could, but they had their own lives and most of them still lived a plane ride away. He understood when they all had to take shifts. He also didn’t want to be the cause of them wasting their time in a hospital room as well and often convinced them to get some air or take a break. It was more depressing to see them watch him waste away than it was for himself. It was hard to handle. 

On the day a team of doctors and nurses crowded his room, he was glad his family had stepped out when he received the news they had for him. It was already embarrassing enough for so many members of his medical team were there to witness it. 

He finally had a diagnosis. Degenerative reproductive syndrome. The worst way for virtual strangers to have confirmation on your nonexistent sex life. 

It was a rare condition affecting only one in five hundred thousand alphas, a recessive gene that had been made obsolete in the life cycle of humans thousands of years before. Harry was lucky enough to be one of those few. 

Essentially, it was a “survival of the fittest” gene. In the days when humans roamed the earth in packs, the hierarchy of alpha rank was important to the survival of the species. If an alpha reached sexual maturity and failed to mate, their biology assumed there were undesirable flaws present in that alpha that needed to be weeded out of the gene pool whether there was or not. Their bodies would slowly start to shut themselves down to assure the end of those traits. 

Modern medicine was the only thing keeping Harry’s weakening body alive while his body fought to kill him. Without intervention, his weakening heart would eventually give out on him. It stuttered in his chest as he heard the news. He’d never considered that his own body was attacking itself. 

“People who still carry the gene never show symptoms if they’ve mated,” Harry patiently tried to explain to his mother later that evening with cheeks red with embarrassment. 

Dating and getting laid hadn’t exactly been high on his list of priorities with his demanding academic schedule on his road to law school. He’d never even knotted an omega, wanting to save that for the person he chose to bond with or at least until he was old enough to handle everything that came with it. His last girlfriend had been the summer after high school and so much had changed since then. 

“They’re bringing in a reproductive specialist from the university hospital,” Harry tried to ease her mind though it did little to ease his own anxiety. Appearing optimistic was the only way he could smooth the lines on her face and the worry in her eyes. “They treat it like an autoimmune disease to slow the progression.” 

He didn’t tell her the facts that were still swimming around in his own head. There was no cure. He was twenty-six years old and he’d be dealing with this for the rest of his life. There were only treatments to ease the symptoms and hopefully, prolong his life. He felt more of his future slipping away every minute. 

When she started to cry, he turned away. It was too easy to blame himself for both her pain and his own when he looked back at his life. He thought that being driven was the key to success, a way to build a financial stable life for his future mate and family. Instead, he’d lost his chances and given himself an early death sentence. He never thought he’d regret all the college parties and hookups his friends enjoyed. It never felt like his thing. Who knew his downfall would be not sticking his dick into enough bodies? 

It was ironic that he found it hard to sleep given that exhaustion was one of his strongest symptoms. While his body was becoming too weak to function, his mind refused to switch off when he closed his eyes. 

The low light above his bed made him see his own reflection when he tried to look out the window, a frail body hooked up to tubes and machines that he hardly recognized anymore. 

He stayed quiet while the night nurse came in to check his vitals and push a syringe of oddly tinted liquid into his feeding tube. It felt cold as it passed through the tube across his cheek and down his nose and throat. He’d yet to grow used to having it though it was thin. It was an uncomfortable and constant presence and he hoped every day that they would agree he could have it removed. His continued weight loss hadn’t supported his requests and, though he craved a proper meal, still felt the urge to gag when he thought about actually eating. 

Making the mistake of searching his condition online, he’d seen that symptom referenced when comparing it to animals in the wild who stop eating when they know they are about to die. It made him feel strange to read the supporting evidence that his body was attempting to kill him. Over not popping a knot no less. He rolled his eyes as he thought of it again. What a stupid way to go. 

From the advice of the specialist, the next morning they loaded him into an ambulance and transported him across town to the university hospital. The movement of the vehicle lulled him into a light sleep during the journey, but he suspected they’d probably slipped something into his IV to make him so drowsy. He didn’t mind. It made him less aware of how useless and incapable he’d become, unable to even make the journey in a normal car. 

His new room was in the specialized care unit, a new wing of the hospital recently opened for the study and care of cases like his. His new nurse told him he was lucky to live near a research hospital developing new treatments for DRS, especially since carriers so rarely presented symptoms. It was hard for Harry to feel lucky about anything when he looked at the state of himself. 

At least it got him his own room, even if it was smaller than his last. He didn’t need much space since he was almost completely bed ridden. When they made him get up to exercise, they took him down the hall so he could use the bars to steady himself with the benefit of padded flooring just in case he happened to fall. A smaller room also meant that fewer people could cram into his room. He loved his friends and his family, but the last thing he wanted to do was socialize when he felt like shit and could feel their pity and worry rolling off of them in waves. 

Feeling bleak when a week had passed with no improvement from his new medications, Harry began to wish he could just melt away from it all. Even for just a few hours, it would be nice to just not be himself, to slip away from all the pain and discomfort, the reality that he was approaching his expiration date. It did him in to think about it too long, but he couldn’t stop the thoughts from cycling through his head. 

It was during one of his lowest points when someone new came into his room. Harry watched as he hovered at the door for a moment, tacking a sign to the outside before closing it gently. He then pulled the curtain on the ceiling track to add an extra barrier between them and the door before turning around with his clipboard and smiling. 

“Hello Harry, do you mind if I call you Harry? I’m Louis.” 

Harry nodded as Louis extended his hand and shook it gently. Dressed in blue scrubs with a name badge clipped to the v-neck, he walked around the bed and took a seat in the chair still pulled up to the side. He appeared to be around Harry’s age though a bit smaller in stature. It was stereotypical, but Harry subtly sniffed at the air to see if he could scent whether the man was omega. It alarmed him when he couldn’t pick up anything. It wasn’t unusual for doctors and nurses to wear scent neutralizers while at work, it was a common practice, but Harry couldn’t even pick up the subtle hints of anything. He wondered how long he’d been ignoring that symptom. 

He watched as Louis made himself comfortable and adjusted his clipboard before pulling out a blue pen. 

“Let me say first that I’m not a doctor. I’m a sexual disorder and touch therapist.” 

Harry felt his cheeks grow warm and he looked down while he traced the outline of his IV under the thick tape. He wasn’t sure why he needed a sex therapist. He knew how to do it, that wasn’t the problem. He just hadn’t made the effort for a long time. 

“There’s no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed about any of this. I’m here to help you find ways to manage your condition. But, if you don’t feel comfortable with me at any point, please feel free to tell me and we can find someone that you do feel comfortable with.” 

Harry chanced a glance and found nothing but kindness and sincerity in his eyes. They were blue, he noticed, the light of the room hitting them just enough to make the colour pop in the dull space around him. He nodded. 

Louis looked down at his clipboard and appeared to read a few things before he looked back up. 

“I’m going to ask some questions and I need you to answer honestly, okay? Just remember that it’s my job to know about these things.” He paused until Harry nodded and then positioned his pen in his hand. “So you’ve been experiencing symptoms of DRS for about nine months?” 

“I guess so. I only just got a diagnosis.”

Louis nodded and made a note on the paper. 

“What at home therapies or treatments have you been doing?” 

“I haven’t been home for almost a month,” Harry said with a frown and a shrug, “Before that, not much? Take my meds, limit activity.” 

Another scribble onto the paper. “Sexual activity?” 

Harry’s face was burning. Having so many strangers asking and discussing his sex life wasn’t something he was used to yet. 

“None, really. I’ve felt too much like shit for anything.” 

“When did you lose the ability to get an erection?” 

It was asked in such a matter of fact tone and all Harry could do was fish mouth for a moment. He hadn’t even told his doctors about that part, but he vividly remembered the day he settled in for a nice distracting wank and nothing happened down there. That was four months ago already. He’d just written it off as being too ill to get in the mood. 

“Harry,” Louis said, his voice gentle, “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but it isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s one of the common symptoms of DRS and the longer it goes untreated, the less likely it is that you’ll regain any function. I’m here to help with that.” 

Harry took in a slow deep breath and then closed his eyes as he mumbled, “It’s been four months.” 

“And how long since you knotted?” 

“Never fully. Not with anyone, anyway.” 

“Are you willing to try as part of your therapy?” 

Harry shrugged one shoulder and nodded, unsure how that was going to happen when his dick still rested uselessly against his thigh. He also wasn’t sure how he would be able to find anyone willing to take his knot when he was barely able to get out of bed on his own. He wasn’t opposed to anything that might help him, though. 

There were several more pages of questions that they made it through, some more invasive than others. Harry could see how they were relevant, though, and answered as honestly as he could. By the end, he was even feeling comfortable talking about them with Louis. He was so gentle, understanding, and knowledgeable that Harry wasn’t nearly as ashamed of his condition when it came to the last question. 

“Now to the weird part of the session,” Louis said as he balanced the clipboard in his lap and pulled a few papers from the bottom of the small stack. “All the legal stuff. Since natural exposure is the best treatment, I’m on contraceptives that are effective but don’t affect my scent. There is always the small chance that they’re not. Signing this paper acknowledges that risk. Then this one says that you won’t attempt a bonding bite during any sessions. We still have a little time left if you want to try some scenting.” 

He held the clipboard and pen out to Harry and he took them on instinct. 

“Wait, what?” he asked after looking up from the papers. “Why do I need to sign anything like this?” 

“I’m your sex therapist,” Louis said and cocked his head, “Did I not say that?” 

“Mine?” His voice came out as a squeak and it made his irritated throat ache around it. He couldn’t help but look at Louis in a different light within a second, eyes passing over his face and body in an assessment that went past professionalism. His dick would have probably twitched if it could. 

“If you’re uncomfortable with me, I would be happy to to find another therapist to take your case--”

“NO!” The word rushed out of his mouth too quickly. He cleared his throat and winced at the strange feeling. “I mean, no, I just didn’t put everything together until now.”

His hand shook as he signed his name on both papers in his messy scrawl without hesitation. He blamed it on the IV in his arm that always made him a little queasy if it moved the wrong way. 

Louis took the clipboard and pen back and stood up to set them down on the chair behind him. 

“Are you comfortable with some scenting?” Louis asked with an open expression that didn’t make Harry feel threatened. “I’m not saying this to worry you, but with how long it’s been, I would really like to start right away.” 

Harry let out a weak okay and watched with parted lips as Louis pulled his shirt up and over his head. 

“Just be honest if you don’t want to do anything I suggest. That goes for all of our sessions. I’m here to work with you and help you, but we can go at your pace.” Louis pulled the string to untie his scrubs and started to step out of them while Harry stared with wide eyes. “Skin on skin is most effective, if that’s okay?” 

He folded the bottoms and twisted to set it on top of his clipboard and shirt. He waited for Harry’s nod and then he was bending pull off his boxer briefs. His naked body was attractive and Harry felt like a creep for staring. He was just so shocked without time to process that sexual therapists even existed, let alone that he’d have one. 

“You’re O?” Harry asked for confirmation with a squeak. After it was out, he realized it should have been obvious to him that Louis was both after what he’d explained and the fact that he’d pointed out his scent wasn’t being suppressed. It was telling and he saw the change on Louis’ face. 

“Can you not scent me?” Louis asked with concern. “How long have you not been able to scent?” 

“I can’t, no. I only noticed I couldn’t when you came in. I thought maybe you were just wearing neutralizers.” 

“We’ll try a few things,” Louis said and gently folded Harry’s blanket away from his lap to his knees. “Do you feel comfortable taking off your gown?” 

Harry wasn’t, but he wasn’t even comfortable with letting himself see his body in this state either so he nodded. Just the thought of having Louis’ warm skin against his made a need pull at his chest. He wanted that part of it. 

Louis helped him pull the ties and free the snaps from his gown and was glad Louis had left the blankets over his feet as the cool air made his skin prickle. He could only watch as Louis put a knee on the edge of his bed and then pulled himself up and over to straddle Harry’s waist. It made Harry’s breathing shallow and quick. 

“Remember, if you’re uncomfortable or if something is painful or you want to stop, always tell me.” 

Harry nodded again and felt his heart rate spike while Louis settled in against him, stomach to stomach. They were so close that Harry could feel the moist heat from between Louis’ legs just inches from his dick. That wasn’t everything, though, just the touch of skin made something within him settle, like a ball of tightly wrapped yarn relieved of its tension as it rolled across the floor. 

“You can scent me,” Louis said as he touched the tip of his own nose to Harry’s neck just below his ear. 

Timid at first, Harry took a few hesitant dips in before he let his nose trail up Louis’ neck. It was faint, but it was there, Harry’s nose registering just a hint of his scent once his face was pressed against Louis’ skin. There was something about it that made sections of Harry’s brain light up and he knew Louis’ scent was a flourish of bold florals even if Harry’s senses weren’t at full capacity. 

“Your scent is nice,” Louis said softly. It made a jolt of electricity race down his spine. “Dim and muted, but nice.” 

Louis’ was too, but he couldn’t find his voice to admit that. It was barely there, but stronger just behind Louis’ ear. It was pure, no hint of strange alpha though he knew he was leaving himself there instead which would last for at least a few hours. It was difficult to hold back a moan as he let it wash over him, giving in to what his body was suddenly begging him for. 

Louis’ bare skin was wrapped around him and he had the illusion that he was hard even though he could feel that he wasn’t. The comfortable silence between them was good to let his mind free and feel the buzz of energy that was building where they touched. 

A small beep came from the direction of Louis’ clothes and the omega slowly pulled away. 

“How was that for you?” Louis asked and it was hard for Harry to concentrate on an answer when he was still naked and straddling him. 

“Really good, I think,” he finally answered and it was the truth. He felt lighter like he had just woken up from a good sleep. 

“That’s good,” Louis smiled as he dismounted and started to dress. Harry pulled his blankets up over his hips. “Would you like me to come back for another session?” 

Harry nodded and then found his voice. “Yeah, that would be nice.” 

Louis’ smile felt like the sun and he unconsciously mirrored his expression. It was the first time his smile matched how he felt in a long time and he held onto it. 

After Louis left, he stood to tie himself back into his gown and was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t feel light headed just sitting up for a change. He could still only stand with a tight grip on the railing of the bed, but he felt a little smug when it wasn’t because of a dizzy spell. Cures didn’t come so fast, but Louis’ had done something to him, even if it was just the normal reaction of his alpha to an omega. 

Then again, wasn’t that exactly what they were trying to do? His alpha was exactly what needed to wake up within him. Either way, he counted it as a good day. 

  
  


“Is that comfortable?” Louis asked as they started their next session. 

They’d moved the bed into a taller sitting position this time, the angle allowing Louis to settle down over his lap. He’d shifted around until Harry’s dick was nuzzled right up against his wet heat. It made Harry’s heart thud in his throat. Louis was hot and it had been months since he’d come. It was overwhelming to feel him everywhere. 

“How’s your scenting today?” Louis asked in a voice that sounded like normal conversation after they’d been together for real. Harry didn’t know how he did it. From anyone else, a question about his health would have ruined the mood. 

He pressed his nose in against Louis’ neck and was rewarded with a noseful of sweet floral twists. 

“Stronger,” he answered and boldly nipped at the spot to make Louis release more. “Easier to pick up.” 

“Your scent is stronger today too,” Louis nudged his own nose against Harry’s neck. “It’s nice and hasn’t gone bitter at all. My omega really responds to it.” 

Harry tapped down the burst of pride at the compliment and looked for the pheromones on Louis’ scent he hoped he caused. They were subtle, but they were there. He smiled against Louis’ skin. 

Louis circled his hips against Harry’s soft cock and the transfer of Louis’ slick made him moan. He’d never wanted to be hard so badly in his life.

“It’s for the pheromones,” Louis explained softly, but Harry could also feel how hard Louis was against his stomach. 

“Do you do this with a lot of alphas?” Harry asked because for some reason, he needed to know if Louis got hard like this with all of his clients. 

“No, not many require this kind of treatment and I only take one case at a time.” 

The breathy words made him shiver. The energy Harry had felt last time was back and it was so good. 

“That’s good. My alpha would be jealous.” Harry mumbled. 

“I can tell,” he could hear Louis’ smirk and didn’t care he was being made fun of. It was an instinctual reaction and it would make him too tense if another alpha’s scent was mixed in.

“Is that how it’s supposed to work?”

They’d taken a few minutes to make some notes about how Harry had felt after the first before they’d started and Louis hadn’t been surprised by the outcome. It made Harry feel more confident about what they were doing. It had been a long time since he’d felt optimistic about any of his treatments. 

His mind inevitably wandered back to his pessimism. It didn’t seem like a good sign that he was coated in omega slick directly from the source, and even though it felt so good, he was still limp between his legs.

“Do you think it will start working again?” Harry asked Louis softly and hoped he didn’t have to say what he meant. 

“There are some good signs that suggest it will. It might be a slow process, especially if there’s damage to your heart. Just be patient and listen to what your body needs.” 

Harry nodded and scented a line up Louis’ neck. It wasn’t difficult to answer his body when all it wanted was to be closer to Louis. It was like sucking the energy out of the omega like a sponge to soak through his entire body. It might have been the power of the mind, but it was helping him more than anything else had. 

“Is it weird for you to do this with a stranger?” Harry mumbled against his skin. 

“It’s my job and I’m very…  _ selective _ about who I work with past normal touch therapy,” Louis responded and there was hesitation behind his answer. “I read files before I agree to work with someone. I read yours and saw how long they let you progress before finally making a diagnosis. I thought that I could really help you and it would have taken months for them to get on finding you someone else. So it’s not weird because I chose to do it.” 

“You’re the first person to really say that to me, you know. Nobody else really knew what to do with me.” 

“I know,” Louis said softly. 

It got heavy for a moment, but Harry didn’t mind. His future didn’t feel as short anymore and that was a huge weight was lifting off his shoulders and hanging in the air instead. 

  
  
  


After a few more sessions, Louis days were his favourite to look forward to. The days alternated with Louis every other day and physical therapy on the days in between. Spending time with Louis had already given him enough energy to keep his arms from shaking as he walked between the bars. His dizzy spells also came less frequently while he was standing up which made him think that things were working. 

It also helped him when Louis popped up around the hospital like he lived there. Having Louis walk him down the hallway kept his energy levels up was like little boosts through the day and it was nice to have him around. He was especially glad that Louis never made it awkward even though they both knew Louis spent hours a day sitting naked on Harry’s soft penis. 

It was nice to have another friend around who understood what he was going through. It sometimes felt that the people who came to visit him couldn’t understand why he was too weak to do much for himself. The cause of his condition was so abstract and difficult to explain that he wondered if they thought he might be making it up or at least exaggerating his symptoms. 

Being helpless was the last thing Harry wanted and it hurt to see those thoughts written in their expressions. Louis and his team of doctors had worked with cases like him before and at least had an understanding of what was happening to him even if there wasn’t a cure. 

“How would you feel about taking a pill to see if it would help?”

Harry was already on and off so many medications he couldn’t keep track. He just let the doctors and nurses oversee all that. 

“What do you mean? What kind of pill?” 

Louis’ tone was smooth and casual when he spoke again. “Some Viagra.” 

Harry pulled back to look at Louis with shock. 

“What? No! That’s for old people!” He was offended Louis would even consider suggesting something like that to him. He was only twenty-six. 

“And what do you think is the cause of erectile dysfunction for a lot of those old people? Blood flow problems which happens to be a large part of  _ your _ problem.” 

Harry relaxed and thought about it for a moment. That made sense when Louis presented it like that. With his other issues, it was difficult to admit that something as embarrassing as the term erectile dysfunction was something he was suffering from. He’d never given it a name. He didn’t want to think about it like that. 

“Oh.” 

“It might be helpful in your case to get things working again. Your body has stopped thinking of that as a priority. It might need a jumpstart to remember what to do.” 

Harry nodded because that did make sense even if he didn’t want it to. He would never admit it to anyone, though. 

The next Louis day, Harry watched as they sent a syringe of medication through his feeding tube and couldn’t make eye contact with the nurse once he realized what it was. He overthought the effects of the drug and his palms grew sweaty with all the possible reactions. 

To his relief, he didn’t pop a boner instantly with the nurse still standing at the side of his bed. He also didn’t get hard while he waited for Louis to arrive.

There was a different energy in the room as Louis placed the sign on the door and drew the curtain as he always did. His scrubs were purple this time and they made his skin appear more golden than it did in the green ones. 

“I was looking at your chart and it looks like they might take out your feeding tube tomorrow,” Louis said as he began to undress like any other session, like today Harry didn’t have Viagra joining his bloodstream at that very moment. “So that’s exciting.” 

Harry hummed along but was barely listening. It should have been great news and yet he couldn’t focus on it. 

“Should we start like usual today?” Louis asked as he stood naked at the side of Harry’s bed to help him with his hospital gown. 

Harry nodded since it was better than drawing attention to what may or may not steer their interaction in a different direction. He wondered if Louis even knew what they had given him though he figured he probably did. 

“How have you been feeling?” Louis asked as he easily kneed himself up onto the bed and then settled across Harry’s lap as he usually did. 

“Better than I have for a long time,” Harry said honestly while his hands instinctively moved to rest on the omega’s hips. “More energy and I feel a little stronger.” 

“That’s great,” Louis smiled genuinely at the news. “You have more colour than you did when I met you.” 

It was just a light hand on Harry’s cheek, but he leaned into it. He was coming to crave touch more with each day and took advantage of it every time Louis offered. 

“I saw your hormone levels were up since the last test too, so that’s good.” Louis cupped Harry’s jaw gently, sliding his fingers along the unshaven line. “Is there anything else you’ve noticed?” 

“I caught your scent when you came in today,” Harry said as his eyes drifted shut, more than happy to indulge in every touch Louis wanted to give him. 

“Your scent is stronger too,” Louis leaned down to scent a line up Harry’s neck. “My omega really likes it and helps me get wet.” 

Harry let out a moan at Louis’ words, tightening his grip on Louis’ hips since he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch. He wanted nothing more than to slide his fingers between Louis’ legs to see just how wet he was. He wanted to know how it felt to be inside him. 

Louis shifted around until Harry could feel his slick transfering onto his cock. It felt more charged than the other times they had done the same thing, this time a hopeful hint of anticipation brewing within him. 

They settled but Louis was squirming around more than he usually did. It felt good, so Harry didn’t complain, closing his eyes to enjoy it until Louis’ voice made him freeze. 

“Well hello there,” Louis smirked down at him when Harry popped his eyes open. With a deliberate shift of his hips, Harry realized what he was talking about.

He wasn’t hard, not like before any of this had happened, but it was more activity down there than he’d had since they’d started this therapy. It wasn’t much at all, just enough to give the illusion that he was getting there. Louis lifted himself enough to take hold of him and stroke in slow slides with the aid of his slick. 

Harry hated how small it looked in Louis hands compared to the sight he was used to when it was standing tall and proud. It was progress and he tried to focus on that. At least something was happening. 

“We can work with this,” Louis said and gripped the base. It didn’t exactly flop over so Harry counted it as a win and then couldn’t even care as Louis began to rub his head up against his hole. It had been so long since he’d had sex, years at least. 

It took a little more effort to push his half erect cock into Louis’ body, but it felt incredible once it was. His nerve endings were buzzing and he laughed when his heart monitor started to beep behind his head. 

“Just a spike in rate,” Louis assured him as he leaned to silence the alarm, “Still in the range it should be.” 

Louis sat back and let his weight help Harry sink even deeper before rotating his hips. 

“This is a milestone,” Louis smiled, “How does it feel?” 

“So fucking good,” Harry breathed out and gripped Louis’ hips. 

“Think about mating me,” Louis prompted him in a seductive voice that hit Harry deep between his legs. That was exactly what Harry’s alpha wanted to do, even what  _ Harry _ wanted to do. Pups with Louis was an appealing concept, even if he was just Harry’s therapist. 

Harry punched his hips up and was disappointed it didn’t have the effect he was hoping it would. He still felt soft inside Louis’ body, too soft to make it good. 

He let out a small growl of frustration that Louis quickly cut off. 

“I said think about it. Imagine it, visualize it. You’re a strong alpha ready to knot your omega.”

Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s short hair on the back of his head and pulled him gently to his neck to scent him. Harry took in a deep breath of pheromones, closing his eyes against the rush that hit him and left him feeling light headed. It wasn’t the same sensation of sitting or standing too quickly nor did it feel like he might faint. It was the kind that left him feeling high. 

Rocking against him, Louis clenched his muscles and made Harry moan each time. He’d never fucked an omega bare and it was an incredible experience to feel his slick heat surrounding the naked skin of his cock. 

“That’s it, Harry,” Louis mumbled encouragements though Harry didn’t feel like he was doing much but enjoying the feeling. 

He pressed his hips up, but there wasn’t much strength behind it. The more he moved, the more it felt like he was about to slip out in a limp flop. Concentrating didn’t make him harder. It felt like the opposite. One wrong move and that was exactly what happened. He squeezed his eyes shut against the frustration and embarrassment, his useless cock back to its useless state. 

“Don’t be upset, this was a lot of progress, yeah?” Louis said gently, soft hand cupping Harry’s jaw again. 

“It didn’t work,” Harry mumbled and he knew his tone was turning to anger. 

“It  _ did  _ work, Harry. Not the way you wanted it to, but it did  _ something. _ We need to work on the idea that things might not be the same as they used to be for you. You need to be okay with the idea that you might need help to get hard in the future. The mind is a powerful thing and nothing will help if you discount everything from the start. You have a lot of healing to do and even getting as far as you did today is a big deal.” 

Harry closed his eyes and leaned back against his pillow. His emotions were overwhelming and conflicting, the excitement of chubbing up enough to slide into Louis’ body mixed with the defeat of it being so short lived. 

“Just relax and let me touch you, okay?” 

Harry nodded but didn’t open his eyes when he felt Louis’ hands travel across his chest and down his stomach. Both hands met to take up Harry’s wet dick between them, slow strokes that felt more like a massage than a sexual act. 

It felt so good though, unable to hold back the moans as he was brought to the brink of what felt like a strange body orgasm. It made him shudder and suck in a breath, stopping Louis’ hands when it felt like too much. 

Louis crawled up and draped his body over Harry’s. He scented his way up Harry’s neck before tilting his neck for Harry to do the same. 

“We have some time left,” Louis whispered to him, “Just breathe.” 

Harry could scent Louis’ arousal immediately. He was becoming attuned to his scent when he still struggled to pick up anyone else’s. But Louis’ was strong and complex, a new element of it assaulting Harry’s senses each time they were close. The arousal, at least on this level, was new. It was heady and made him wish he could throw Louis down on the thin hospital mattress and fuck into him until they were locked together. Louis’ omega was pleading for it, he could sense it. 

Instead, he slipped a hand between them and thrived on the gasp Louis let out when his hand engulfed Louis’ erection. 

“Harry, that’s not part of— you don’t have to—” 

“Want to,” Harry insisted as he started to jerk him off. He didn’t stop until Louis shuddered and came all over the space between them. It felt hot against his chilled skin and he moaned as he stared at it. 

“I’m sorry, that’s not supposed to be-- this is about  _ you. _ ”

Louis crawled from his lap and disappeared into the small bathroom. When he emerged, he was dressed. Harry hadn’t even seen him grab his clothes on the way in. 

Professionally, Louis wiped his come from Harry’s chest and stomach with the damp cloth in his hand and Harry frowned at the sudden change in mood. Louis hadn’t asked for it, it just felt natural for it to happen. Just because he was dysfunctional didn’t mean Louis had to suffer. 

“You obviously wanted it,” Harry said in confusion, “You always get hard with me.” 

“It’s not-- I don’t do this for the sex. I don’t come here expecting to get off. This is my job. I offer this as a service, as a treatment to help my patients.” 

“So you walk out of here with a boner every day and just ignore it?” Harry asked incredulously. 

“It’s unprofessional for me to talk about my sex life, Harry.” Louis sighed. 

“If you get to know about mine, it’s only fair that you answer me.” 

Harry wasn’t upset, but he didn’t want Louis to be either. If they had met and hooked up in any other way, Harry would never leave him unsatisfied. It soothed his alpha as well. 

“Okay, fine. I jerk off in the bathroom off the employee locker room if I need to.” 

Harry let out a bark of a laugh that hurt his throat and made his lungs ache. It was worth it to see the blush rising on Louis’ cheeks. 

“I just thought you should at least get that out of it if nothing else.” Harry shrugged with a smirk. 

“Watch it or I’ll find someone twice your age to take my place.” Louis smirked and then threw his gown over Harry’s nakedness. “Put that away. He’s had enough attention today.” 

The grin didn’t leave Harry’s face until long after Louis had left. 

  
  
  


Working himself up about the removal of his feeding tube was worse than the actual procedure. He felt the phantom feeling of it in his nostril for hours after which kept making him feel on the verge of a sneeze. He hadn’t gained much weight but, more importantly, he hadn’t lost any either. 

He cautiously ate his lunch and was thankful his body didn’t immediately force it back up. It made him nervous as the nurse hovered until he was finished and then for a while after. Surely it wasn’t a priority to make sure he didn’t vomit. He’d happily tell them if he did. 

Harry was more concerned about squares of raw skin on his cheek where the tape had held the tube in place. It was red and itched like an allergic reaction to the adhesive. He swore they’d ripped off several layers of skin the process as well. He hoped it wouldn’t scar. 

It was nice to feel like he actually was on the mend.

“They’re going to discharge me soon,” Harry said one day as Louis was pulling his clothes back on. 

“Yeah? That’s great, Harry,” Louis beamed at him. 

Harry didn’t exactly share his enthusiasm. He wanted to be back home around his own things and in his own bed. He just wasn’t sure he was quite ready to take care of himself. Months under constant care in a hospital made him anxious that something would happen when he was on his own. 

Each emergency room visit had been a result of something drastic. He’d fallen, had fainting spells, been too weak to even sit up. Every time he’d been discharged he’d felt marginally better only to crash within days, sometimes within hours. He was anxious that the cycle would begin again. 

The IV in his arm had become something he relied on, all the medications that were struggling to keep him alive entering his body from that point. 

He also worried about losing Louis. Maybe it was just a placebo effect, but it felt like Louis was really helping him. His energy levels were up on Louis days and he felt himself growing stronger after each session. There was evidence to support his progress too. His hormone levels were steadily rising towards a healthy point and his symptoms hadn’t moved to any other parts of his body. 

“You’ve been doing so well,” Louis said as he unzipped the bag he’d brought with him. “I can tell just from looking at you that you’re feeling better.” 

Harry nodded because it was true. He did feel better. 

“I know that finding a combination of medications that work for you can be a long process. They don’t all work the same for everyone and the timing can be a little off. So this is for you.” Louis took a long black pouch with drawstrings at one end and handed it over to him. It was heavier than he expected it to be. “I want you to use it if an erection comes on when I’m not around.” 

Harry loosened the strings and peered inside before dropping it onto his lap with a yelp. 

“What the fuck??” He hissed when he pulled out the long cylindrical object. It was a masterbator, the same style as a fleshlight and he blushed. “Did you just give me a sex toy??” 

Louis rolled his eyes fondly. 

“Call it a medical device if it makes you feel better. It has artificial pheromones that release with motion. Use it to climax if you’re able to and knot it if you can.” 

“Can’t I just… wait until you’re here?” Harry asked as he looked at the toy wearily. 

“If it happens, it’s in your best interest to at least encourage it. You’ll have to continue these therapies when you go home too and I want you to start getting comfortable with it.” 

Harry wrinkled his nose and looked down at the unappealing opening of the toy. It didn’t make him want to fuck it when it might be his only option once he left the hospital. He also didn’t want to fuck it in his room when any nurse could walk in on it. At least during his sessions with Louis he knew no one would disturb them. 

“You don’t have to force yourself, but if it happens, don’t ignore it,” Louis shrugged the strap of his bag over his shoulder. 

Harry nodded and tucked it back into it’s little case, finding a little tube of lube in there with it. He definitely wasn’t going to use it. 

  
  


Harry was hard, so hard he felt huge as he rutted into Louis’ body. He held himself above the omega easily while his hips made strong and powerful thrusts. It was everything he needed, everything he was craving. Each slam of flesh into flesh and the wet sound of slick as he pumped inside made him growl and work even harder. He was so ready to knot, so ready to breed Louis up with his pups. Just a few more thrusts… 

Harry woke covered in a layer of sweat, cold with his covers kicked off and bunched on the floor. His breathing was heavy and he reached down to squeeze his erection to relieve some of the pressure that had built up through his dream. 

Instead of the raging boner he expected to find, all his fingers met was soft flesh. He felt so frustrated that he would have chucked something at the wall if anything had been within reach. It was so unfair that his mind could be so aroused while his body absolutely refused to work. 

He found the sex toy Louis had given him forgotten at his side and he threw it with all his strenght. It bounced off the wall with a loud thwack and hit the window before landing on the floor. It wasn’t as satisfying as he hoped it would be. 

One of the nurses rushed in and he hated that his rage and humiliation had an audience. He tried to wave her away, but he knew she couldn’t just leave when his heart rate had spiked and he was finding it hard to draw in a breath. 

He registered that there was movement around him as he sat forward and hid his face in his hands. He was supposed to be getting better so much of him was still damaged.

When he started to feel woozy, he knew they’d given him something to calm him down. It didn’t matter. He’d be just as upset the next time it happened. None of them knew what this disease was like. None of them had lived it. So many of the nurses and staff were around his age but they had no idea what it was like to have their futures altered forever by something beyond his control. 

Progress meant being able to perform basic tasks for himself again, meant that he could walk to the bathroom without crumpling to the floor. It was progress, but it wasn’t a recovery. Needing context for all of his milestones so they didn’t feel stupid and insignificant wore him down and imploded when he had a bad day. Usually he was able to go through it internally but something had finally snapped. 

The world wasn’t any brighter when Harry woke up from whatever they had given him. He was still frustrated and annoyed with everything and even refused to cooperate for physical therapy which he knew was unlike him. He just didn’t care and wanted to be left alone to process everything that had happened in the past year while he was too sick to deal with it. 

It surprised him when it was late evening and his door opened and then closed, a familiar scent hitting his nose. He opened his eyes but didn’t make an effort to turn and greet him. 

“Heard you had a rough day,” Louis said softly as he sat on the edge of the bed. 

“Can you just… not?” Harry asked, his voice rough. 

“Yeah, of course,” Louis nodded and just took Harry’s hand in his. 

It felt nice to be touched even if he didn’t want to admit it. It was Louis job and he didn’t expect anything in return. Louis didn’t tell him to cheer up or smile as some of the nurses did. Louis didn’t treat him like an invalid. Louis was always just there, even when he brought up uncomfortable things, it was different. 

Harry didn’t pull his hand away and was glad Louis didn’t break their contact either. 

“I’ve had a long day myself. Do you mind if I…?” Louis motioned to the space betside Harry and Harry didn’t even question it before moving to give him room. “Thanks.” 

Louis got comfortable on his side with his back to Harry, pulling one of Harry’s arms around him until Harry got the hint and shuffled forward. Placing his IV in a good position was difficult, but they eventually made it work and Harry’s nose wound up nuzzled along Louis’ hairline. 

Louis’ scent was strong there and it relaxed the tension wound up inside him so he finally felt like he could breathe. 

“Do you think I’m ready to go home?” Harry mumbled against Louis’ skin after enough time had passed that he wasn’t sure if Louis had fallen asleep. 

“Yeah, I think you’re doing really well and I think being comfortable back at home might be really beneficial for you,” Louis said softly, “But I’m not a doctor. I just work with them.” 

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, his nose tickled by fine hair. “I’ve been here so long.” 

“I know. I hope you get to go home soon.” 

Harry didn’t want to think about it anymore and closed his eyes. Louis’ body was warm and grounding and his scent wrapped him up in soothing feelings. He didn’t even notice he was drifting off. 

Poor sleep was something to expect in a hospital with so much going on at all times. Even the most careful nurses made some noise when coming in to check vitals and it was always too bright. That’s why it surprised Harry when he woke up with a hoodie between his arms where Louis had been. It was saturated in Louis’s scent though, so he couldn’t even be too upset. 

Besides, Louis wasn’t his. Louis was being paid to what essentially amounted to having sex with him. He was paid to care even though Harry had the suspicion that last night hadn’t been on the clock. He’d never seen Louis so dressed down and it was after what he assumed was Louis’ normal business hours. That just meant that Louis was a compassionate person who knew Harry just needed someone there with him. 

Since Harry was feeling better, they allowed him to start wearing some of his own pajamas and Louis’ hoodie fit right in. He pulled it over his head and was surprised to find it loose on his body, even with his IV arm sticking out the bottom since he was too lazy to do anything about it. It was a startling moment to realize just how frail he’d become, his eyes still judging clothing from his size before. 

He was still wearing Louis’ hoodie when Louis came in for his session later that afternoon and Harry couldn’t even summon the energy to be embarrassed. 

“I see you didn’t kick my hoodie out of bed,” Louis smirked as he pulled the curtain and deposited his bag onto the chair. 

Harry shrugged. “Your scent is really strong on it. I think it’s calmed me down a lot since you’re still the only persons’ I can really pick up.”

“That’s really good. That’s what this therapy is supposed to do.” Louis sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand that was sticking out from under the hoodie. “What do you want to do today? They told me what happened… or at least what they think happened. If I’ve been pushing you too far, we can take it back a bit.” 

“No,” Harry groaned and dragged his hand down his face in embarrassment but confessed anyway, “I had a sex dream and got pissed when I woke up and I wasn’t even hard. I just keep feeling so close and then nothing happens. You’d think if I have to be bedridden, I’d at least be able to get off.” 

“You’re not bed ridden,” Louis said and tugged gently on his hand. “Sure, you’re not going to be running a marathon any time soon, but I’ve seen how you can get around now. Maybe this is part of the problem! Maybe we should go for a walk before we start our session so your circulation is better.” 

“I stand and look out the window a lot now!” Harry protested but still followed Louis’ prompt to sit up. 

“We can walk down to the cafeteria and grab some snacks or something.” 

“I don’t think I can make it that far,” Harry frowned as Louis slid his slipper shoes onto his feet for him. 

“To the vending machines down the hall, then!” 

Louis held out his hands and Harry took them though he could do at least that much on his own. Harry watched as Louis expertly untangled his tubes and monitors and kept a hand on his IV stand with Harry’s. 

“I feel like I should be able to do more than this,” Harry mumbled halfway down the hallway at their extremely slow pace. 

“Do you realize how sick you were?” Louis asked after a moment. “I know getting sick was gradual and feeling better is gradual, but do you realize how well you’re doing from where you were?” 

Harry hid the hand that wasn’t steadying himself in the lopsided pocket of the hoodie. Being at his lowest point still felt fresh while also feeling ages away. The phantom feeling of his feeding tube that had been keeping him alive still caught him every once in a while. He still expected to feel faint when he stood or sat up too quickly. His body was still a shell of what it used to be. Logically, he knew how sick he’d been but maybe he hadn’t come to terms with that yet.

“When they refer a patient like you to me, we usually get to know each other a little first. Or at least I get to know them before I decide to take their case. That first day you were here I took your case and started immediately because you were so far gone I wasn’t sure you could come back from it. And I know it’s slow and you want to be back to your old self… But Harry, you were days away from your body shutting down on you completely and now your biggest concern is your dick.” Louis smirked with just the right amount of teasing and Harry couldn’t help but smile. “Just, through someone else’s eyes, you could barely lift your head when I met you and now you’re walking on your own and you’re strong enough to go home in a few days.”

“I know,” Harry admitted softly, “I’ve been getting frustrated and maybe that’s a good sign that I’m feeling well enough to care... But I’ve lost a year of my life to this and I can’t even jerk off when I want to.”

Harry winced when one of the nurses stepped out of a patient room, blushing when it was clear she’d heard him. 

“It’s shit,” Louis said honestly, “I won’t bullshit you and give you some flowery speech about how you have the rest of your life ahead of you now, but you’re alive and responding to treatment really well and I know you’ll regret it if you give up because you’re frustrated.” 

Harry nodded and watched his slippered feet take slow steps. He wanted to be upset and grumpy about everything for a while. In Louis’ presence, he was finding it more draining to cling to that mood. He’d grown used to Louis’ scent and it’s calming nature, even now when they were innocently walking down the hall. 

“So what happens when I leave?” Harry asked when they were on their way back to his room with an armful of snacks.

“I assume they’ll send you home with some prescriptions and instructions. They’ll probably have you set up some physical therapy,” Louis shrugged, “And then you’ll slowly get back to living your life.” 

“I meant with you,” Harry said and blushed, “Therapy, I mean.” 

“They’ll probably set you up with some artificial pheromones or something until you find your own partner. Since the touch therapy I do is here, I really only take on inpatient cases.” 

Harry nodded and thought of the sex toy that made him so angry in the first place. That was going to be his life, then. He couldn’t see himself finding a partner in his condition, not when the only omegas that would say yes would probably be out of pity. 

“You’re in a good place now. You’ll be fine with synthetics at this stage,” Louis assured him, but Harry didn’t want to think about it anymore. 

He sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled Louis’ hoodie off over his head. 

“Could we wait until after for that?” Harry asked as Louis unloaded their snacks on the bed table. 

“Feeling better now?” Louis asked with a grin before he nodded. 

Harry stood and let his pajama pants pool around his ankles to save himself the struggle before he crawled onto the bed. Louis gathered them up for him along with his own clothing and then they were both naked. 

It wasn’t anything new, but Harry felt differently about it as Louis climbed into his lap. He wouldn’t have this in a few days and he realized he would miss it. It also felt weird that Louis was a paid professional -- a medical professional, even -- and the idea of being attached enough to miss him was highly inappropriate. 

Even if it was, he still wanted to memorize every detail so he could call on it if he’d be on his own. He wanted to remember the way Louis smelled, how his hot slick covered and slid over his dick, how quickly Louis had come when he touched him. Harry was alpha afterall, and every instinct screamed that they were compatible. 

That aside, Louis was coming to represent Harry’s recovery and he wanted to hold on to that apart from everything else. 

Louis was warm and wet against him, as he always was, and his scent surrounded him with a vibrant burst. Everything that had gone dormant in his body came to life when Louis was with him and he moaned softly. 

It didn’t seem to bother Louis when Harry expressed himself, so he didn’t hold back. The details of his dream were so close and his dick was even closer. He felt a twitch and moaned, even if it was just a phantom sensation. His fingers crept up Louis’ thighs until they reached the crease where they met the rest of his body and wanted desperately to feel him. 

“Can I touch you?” Harry asked in a pleading breath. If his dick wasn’t going to cooperate, he needed another way to be inside him. 

He was surprised when Louis nodded where his face was hidden against his neck and raised up on his knees just enough for Harry’s hand to gain access. He didn’t waste any time following Louis’ slick to the source, long finger sliding into him in one slow movement. 

Harry swore he heard Louis let out a small  _ fuck _ when it happened and he slipped in a second finger with that as encouragement. It wasn’t difficult to imagine it was his dick buried deep in tight heat, especially since he’d had the experience briefly before. 

Louis was stifling small noises against Harry’s neck when everything started to feel more heated. 

“I’m hard,  _ fuck _ , I’m hard,” Harry moaned when he realized he actually was. It wasn’t just a cruel joke his nerves were sending his brain, he was actually there. 

Harry moaned and let his head fall back when Louis took him in hand and guided him to where his fingers had just been. It wasn’t the strange struggle it had been when he was barely firm, instead his head slipping easily inside followed by the rest of his proud shaft. He could tell it wasn’t as rigid as before his illness, still a shadow of its former self, but he quickly pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter when nothing like this had happened for months. 

“ _ Fuck, _ ” Harry groaned and punched his hips up into Louis with what strength he had and let his body absorb every bit of the experience. He could almost feel the elements of Louis’ body around his dick filling him with energy while his thickening scent made his thoughts float. 

“That’s it, Harry,” Louis was coaxing him and the moan in his tone made Harry respond with sounds he didn’t register. 

It was so good that the anticipation of finally hitting his peak brought tears of relief to his eyes. He was so close he almost sobbed out as he soared right past the summit without experiencing the bliss. So focused on himself, he barely noticed when Louis came between them, gritting his teeth as he thrust with purpose. 

Louis let him go until he slipped out mid-thrust, his dick betraying him by wilting before anything happened. His frustration bubbled and he’d throw another sex toy at the wall if he had one within his reach. He wasn’t just dormant anymore. Things were awakening and his balls felt heavy with an uncomfortable ache. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just  _ come  _ already. Never having knotted an omega before, it wasn’t even that he was missing. He’d even take some self love just to work it out. 

“Harry.” 

Louis’ voice and hands framing his face brought him back from where he was lost in a frustrated rage. It rarely happened, but he still hated when his alpha aggression reared its ugly head. 

“You can’t lose your temper and beat yourself up every time it doesn’t happen,” Louis said in a firm but caring tone that centered Harry just a little. 

“I was so close,” he let out an aborted sob and turned his face from Louis’ hold. “I wanted it so bad it hurts.”

He felt Louis shuffling down his body and then gentle fingers touching and manipulating his overly sensitive parts that betrayed him over and over again. 

“When was the last time you ejaculated?” Louis asked, his voice back to the professional one he used when they went over his progress with his clipboard out to take notes. 

Harry should have been comfortable with questions like that by now, but sometimes they still caught him off guard. He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes and tried to push away the humiliation he was already feeling. 

“Maybe five or six months ago now?” 

“It’s possible you have a blockage since it’s been so long,” Louis said as he felt around Harry’s throbbing balls. “I could try to express it to relieve some of the pressure. It might help.” 

“Anything,” Harry begged as the ache and frustration throbbed from his balls to his thoughts. He didn’t know what that meant, but he didn’t care if it meant relief. 

He felt Louis climb off the bed and when he cracked his eyes open, found him dressed and pulling a pair of blue gloves out of the box on the wall. 

“Okay, stand up for me,” Louis prompted, standing close in case Harry needed help. With the controls, Harry watched as he raised the level of the bed. “Okay lean forward with your arms on the bed like this and legs apart.” 

Louis demonstrated and Harry hesitantly leaned over to rest his arms on the mattress. 

“What are you going to do?” he asked nervously. Turning his head, he watched Louis pull the gloves on. 

“For this to work, I need you to relax and trust me.” Louis turned to his bag and then came to stand behind Harry where he was ass up and exposed. Louis’ hand was warm through the glove when it came to rest on his hip. “Prostate massage therapy is another treatment for erectile dysfunction.” 

“Wait, what?” Harry turned his head and pushed himself up onto his hands. That didn’t sound like a treatment an alpha would need. 

“Calm down, it’s only a finger. If you don’t want me to, I won’t. I do think it’s worth trying, though.” 

Harry wasn’t sold on the idea but still lowered himself back onto his forearms. 

“It will probably feel a little weird, but it won’t hurt. There will be some pressure but it’s just a finger.” 

Harry didn’t know how he was going to relax now that he knew what was going to happen. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the intrusion that didn’t come. Just as he relaxed, he felt the cold slide of lube against his hole and then a circling finger that gently pushed into him and then pulled back out. 

Louis was right, it didn’t hurt. It was just the weirdest feeling as it pushed into him again. A few more strokes and he felt a second finger push into him. He bit his lip and then let out an embarrassing squeak when they angled down and touched something that made him jolt. 

“This will feel weird,” Louis told him again as the fingers stroked in a relentless pattern. 

It was a feeling that Harry couldn’t describe, almost on the edge of an orgasm but nothing like it at the same time. He wanted to pull away and push into it at the same time. It also really made him want to get a hand around his cock. 

Before he could do much of anything, he felt an odd sensation that made him think he was pissing himself for a second but it was too slow and thick for that. He dropped his head down to look between his arms and watched the string of milky liquid oozing from his tip in a confused state of shock. It felt good but not satisfying as it was milked out of him, collecting in the plastic dish Louis held beneath him. 

“What the fuck,” Harry mumbled to himself as he fought the urge to pull away from the pressure. 

Soon enough, Louis pulled his fingers out and the ache in his balls was gone as they felt lighter. His whole body felt lighter. 

“Maybe now it won’t feel quite as urgent and you’ll be able to let your body work it out,” Louis said as he took the container into the bathroom and came back without it and his gloves. 

“You can get dressed if you want,” Louis said and handed over his pants. “How are you feeling?” 

“Weird,” Harry replied as he carefully stepped into one leg and then the other. “But good I think.” 

Louis smirked with a small laugh. “I imagine you’ll feel a lot less frustrated next time you feel the urge.” 

Harry sat down on the edge of the bed and nodded as he felt the weird slide of left over lube between his cheeks. 

“I have to get going to another session, but I’ll leave those snacks with you,” Louis smiled and hefted the strap of his bag over his shoulder. 

Harry was in a bit of a daze and offered a small wave as Louis slipped out of his room, leaving the curtain drawn. 

  
  
  


Harry sat in the generic wheelchair outside the main entrance of the hospital wearing jeans for the first time in months. They fit loosely around his hips and threatened to fall down if he stood up too quickly. His sweater felt extra baggy as well, but he was comfortable. 

It was surreal to be outside in regular clothes without tubes attached to his body like some kind of medical marionette. He was free with only a brightly coloured bandage wrapped around his arm for pressure where his IV had been. It had been there for so long that he felt naked without it even fully clothed. He didn’t miss how uncomfortable it had been even if he’d grown used to it. 

His mom’s SUV pulled up to the curb and he was allowed to stand and walk himself the last few feet to the passenger seat. Wheeling him out was hospital protocol and he was secretly happy he’d had those few minutes to lose himself in thought as he was delivered to the pick up area. 

He’d known it was coming soon, but his discharge felt sudden when they came to remove his IV and give him his list of medications. There hadn’t even been a chance to see Louis again since it wasn’t his therapy day and he wasn’t sure how to track him down in the hospital if he was even there at all. 

As Louis had predicted, the synthetic pheromones were on the list of prescriptions and he would have the embarrassment of receiving them from his mom who’d picked them up from the hospital pharmacy before retrieving the car. As if any of the past few months hadn’t been humiliating enough. 

He didn’t want to use them and wished he’d had a say in which prescriptions were filled. It wasn’t the same and his body would know it.  _ He _ would know it. The only omega he wanted, synthetic or otherwise, was Louis and that just wasn’t realistic. 

“I’m worried about you being on your own,” his mom said as they approached his apartment. They’d gone through this a million times already. She’d used up all of her vacation time and her job was in jeopardy if she didn’t return soon. 

“I’ll be fine. I’m not completely alone and don’t worry, I won’t drive myself to physical therapy.” 

He knew he sounded ungrateful of his mom’s concern, but he was done being coddled. There was also something so desperately appealing about finally being alone. He never realized how much he valued his alone time until there was always someone within shouting distance with doors that were almost always open and lights that he could never turn off. The solitude of his dark bedroom was a craving so deep that he almost insisted his mom get a hotel room before leaving in the morning. He resisted. 

His apartment felt foreign when he finally stepped foot inside. His family had been staying there and even the way things were cleaned and organized felt different. It even  _ smelled _ different with something stale and unfamiliar lingering in the air. 

Walking straight to his bedroom, he immediately face planted on the bed and burrowed his face into the pillows and clean sheets that had been put on for his arrival. It was still home. 

He was thankful that no one bothered him until it was time for his first round of at home medication and then let him retreat back to bed directly after. He’d return to the world of the living eventually, but for now, he just needed an escape. 

  
  


Despite Louis’ optimism after the little procedure he’d performed, Harry never felt in the mood. It didn’t sit well that their last interaction had been with Louis’ finger up his ass and maybe that was why he didn’t feel particularly inclined to touch himself. The vials of synthetic slick were left untouched on the kitchen counter with his other medications, taunting him every time he saw them until he had to tuck them away in a cupboard. The urge to even  _ want  _ to wasn’t even there now that he was at home and could distract himself from it. 

There wasn’t much motivation for him to do anything, really. He spent half the day sleeping and the other half binge watching seasons of shows he’d never heard of. He took an Uber to his physical therapy appointments three times a week and ordered his groceries online so he wouldn’t have to haul them to his apartment. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but at least kept some food in the house so no one could nag him about it. With his parents helping him out with some basic living expenses, they would quickly notice if he spending money on food. Money was something he didn’t even want to think about past that with his looming hospital bills that he would probably be paying off for the rest of his life. They hadn’t even arrived yet and already they were causing him anxiety. 

Apart from his aversion to masturbating with simulated omega slick, it wasn’t until he looked in the mirror and saw his hand shaking while he brushed his teeth that he realized the slippery slope he’d been sliding down. He took his medicines on schedule every day, but apart from that, he hadn’t been taking care of himself. 

He stepped on the scale and groaned when he saw that the steady incline in weight he’d maintained so well in the hospital had fallen significantly. He’d been through this before. The small symptoms that had mounted until he was a shell of himself being kept alive through tubes as his body gave out. He wondered where he’d be if the medications for his heart and blood pressure weren’t working against his destructive behaviours. 

He only had himself to blame when he woke up in a hospital bed with a pulsing headache and a bandage across his forehead. He remembered it in bits and pieces, too ashamed to ask someone for the full story. Overtaken by the kind of dizzy spell he thought he was over, he’d fallen on his way into his physical therapy appointment. He filled in the rest by assuming the wound on his forehead was from crashing into something on his way down as he’d fainted. 

The IV in his arm and the beeping machines were so normal to him that he didn’t even stress about it as he closed his eyes again so he could pretend none of it had happened. He’d never gone home and Louis would be coming in for his session at any time. 

It startled him when he woke with Louis’ scent teasing his nose and wondered if it really had all been a dream. A touch to his forehead assured him it was not. 

Experimentally, he cracked one eye open and then the other, surprised to find that Louis really was there, sitting on the edge of his bed with a concerned expression on his face. 

“You don’t look so good,” he said when they made eye contact. 

“Gee, thanks,” Harry replied sarcastically, lulling his head to look away. 

“What’s going on?” Louis asked gently, ignoring his remark. “You left here doing well.” 

“I guess I wasn’t doing as well as everyone thought,” Harry muttered softly, the emotions behind his snap reaction draining out. 

“You stayed on all your meds?” 

Harry nodded and looked down at the freshly placed IV in his arm. It was too familiar. 

“And how is all the other stuff going? Have you made any progress?” 

Harry wanted to lie and say everything was going well. He didn’t want Louis to know he’d been sulking around his dark apartment and ignoring his dick all together. He tried, but in the end, he couldn’t. 

Shaking his head, he wilted in defeat. “I haven’t made any progress. I haven’t felt like trying.” 

“Harry,” Louis started and his voice was kind, not scolding or judgemental as Harry had expected. “That’s the root of your illness. You’ll keep regressing if you don’t keep yourself exposed to those conditions we were working on.” 

“We were just so close that last time,” Harry pressed his palms against his eyes until he saw stars, fighting a battle with his emotions. His fingers grazed the bandage on his forehead and it caused a twinge of pain from whatever wound was beneath it. “It’s so fucking frustrating.” 

He couldn’t stifle the dry sob that burst from him as the last few weeks consumed him. The last few weeks of repressing everything was overwhelming, especially when Louis had broken the dam open with just a few words and the tone of his voice. He was so sick of being sick. 

Louis rested a hand on his thigh and let him work through it, handing him a box of tissues when he sniffed and his breath caught in his chest. 

Louis was still patiently sitting at his side when he started to calm down, hiccups making his chest ache. He didn’t feel quite as heavy with everything let out into the air, even if he was an ugly crier. 

“The synthetic stuff isn’t the same. It’s a turn OFF. I don’t even want it in my house,” Harry sniffed and blew his nose. 

“I could try to find someone that does home visits?” Louis suggested after a moment and Harry realized that his hand had begun to stroke his thigh. He imagined Louis rubbing his scent into him, creating a warmth there that would stick with him.

“I don’t want to start all over with someone,” Harry said dejectedly. When Louis had started their therapy, he’d been too sick and desperate to not just let it happen. Now he would overthink it. It would feel too much like hiring a prostitute. It would ruin the mood which was counterproductive to their goal. He was already comfortable and familiar with Louis. 

“You’re not one of my patients anymore,” Louis said, understanding what he’d meant. 

“I just want to try it one last time. To see if what you did to me worked. I can’t knot on my own and no one wants an alpha with a terminal illness.” 

Louis chewed on his lip and appeared to be turning something over in his head when he finally looked back up. 

“One more time,” Louis said with one nod of his head. 

Butterflies fluttered in Harry’s stomach and his hand searched for the ties of his gown before Louis’ hand came up to stop him. 

“Not here,” he hissed out in a whisper with a quick glance around to make sure no one had overheard their conversation. “I’ll make an exception and make one home visit. Maybe it will be easier in your own surroundings.” 

Harry practically beamed with the thought of having one last time with Louis and refused to think about what would happen after. 

“Now stop being a knothead and do what the doctor tells you to do. I don’t want to see you in here again for something stupid.” 

“I’ll try,” Harry said with a small nod as he leaned back against his pillow. 

  
  
  


Harry was nervous when the day of Louis’ visit finally arrived. He took the time to shower and make himself presentable with fresh clothes and clean sheets on the bed. The clutter that he’d let build up was cleaned away from all the surfaces and picked up from the floor. 

Reluctantly, he swallowed down one of the pills he’d been avoiding and waited anxiously until the time Louis was supposed to arrive came and went. He slowly deflated when he realized Louis might not show up until the rushed echo of raps against his door startled him. 

“I’m sorry I’m so late,” Louis said as he stood breathlessly on the other side of the door after Harry pulled it open. “It has been a crazy few days.” 

“That’s okay,” Harry stepped aside to let Louis enter and bit his lip when Louis’ scent mixed with his own. It was strong against the lingering traces of his own in his living space and he liked the way they complemented each other. 

“I want you to know that I’m doing this off the record,” Louis said once they were both sitting on the edge of his bed. “I would have to have a nurse with me if it was set up through the hospital and- Yeah, that would be a lot to arrange and get clearance for. Is that okay?” 

“I won’t tell anyone,” Harry nodded. 

“But everything still applies. If you want me to stop or you don’t want to do something--” 

“I want to do everything,” Harry stopped him, “That’s the point.” 

Louis took a breath in and held it for a moment while he nodded. 

“Okay. Just like usual?” 

Harry nodded and both of them pretended that they were back in Harry’s hospital room as they undressed and got settled on the bed. It was different without the incline, Harry propped up on just a few pillows behind him. 

Harry’s nerves lit up with the familiarity of Louis’ warm body on his and it was so much better now that it wasn’t routine. He wasn’t yet hard, but Louis’ slick was wet against him and sliding in gentle motions as they scented each other without restraint. 

“Your scent is stronger here,” Louis mumbled against his neck and the comment made Harry moan. “I can’t believe you don’t have a line of omegas following you around when you smell like this.” 

Harry was only human and his alpha loved the praise. His hips bucked up and they both moaned when it was obvious that at least something was starting to happen down there. Harry tried not to focus on it since they’d been to this stage before. He didn’t want to scare it off by thinking about it too much. 

“I’m not just saying that,” Louis continued to mumble near his ear, “You have a very attractive scent. It always gets me really wet.” 

Harry swore and couldn’t stop his hands from sliding down from Louis’ hips to grab firm handfuls of his ass. 

“Keep talking,” Harry groaned as he felt his body reacting to each word like a direct line to his dick. He never considered he’d be into dirty talk but in the moment it seemed to be doing the trick. 

“So wet I had to shower before my next appointment almost every time,” Louis continued in a sultry tone. “Had to get off thinking about it too.” 

A deep moan pushed out of Harry’s chest and he felt himself growing harder against Louis’ body where it was trapped against his slick. 

In a fluid motion, Louis slid forward and the head of Harry’s cock caught on his hole as he slid back. It was purposeful, but they both made a noise of surprise when it happened. Louis reached back and helped him slide inside, his dick growing firmer by the second. It was happening fast and he wondered how much was due to the effects of the pill that was different than what they’d given him in the hospital. 

“You feel so good,” Harry slurred out in a moan, the confidence to be more bold in his own home easier when there weren’t ears that could overhear. 

“Are you sure you haven’t been working on this yourself? You feel so fucking big,” Louis grunted against his neck when the entire length was inside, his ass cradled by Harry’s hips. Even if it was just talk to get Harry going, he didn’t care. His alpha roared at the compliment and thrust up once again. 

They started moving together on instinct, more of a grind than any traditional thrusting. Louis pushed himself up to sit on his cock, his hands on Harry’s chest as he circled his hips. It fueled him as he watched Louis use him, the expression on his face and the noises falling from his lips either from his own pleasure or the best acting Harry had ever witnessed. He chose to focus on the first option. 

Harry was starting to believe the idea that he was more relaxed in his own space because his body was responding in ways it hadn’t in over a year. He also wondered if it made Louis loosen up outside of his place of work as he threw his head back and exposed the long lines of his next to Harry like he’d never done. 

He let himself really look at Louis’ body, following the expanse of his chest down over his stomach. Louis’ dick was hard and leaking and Harry wanted to touch it, so he did. His hand easily wrapped around it and was rewarded with a breathy whimper. 

“Harry!” Louis exclaimed which was all the warning he had before Louis was coming all over his hand. He clenched around Harry’s dick deep inside him and Harry grunted as he thrust up into the sensation. 

He didn’t even realize what was happening until he looked up and met Louis’ widening eyes and slackened jaw. He felt his own eyes roll back as it hit him, the intense pressure and stretch and then absolute ecstasy as his knot expanded for the very first time. 

It was almost an out of body experience as it happened, not expecting it to actually work though he had hoped. Louis seemed just as surprised but quickly recovered when his body started to milk it until Harry was finally coming. 

He was sure bruises in the shape of his fingers would darken where his fingers were gripping Louis’ hips, but it was all he could do while it happened to keep himself grounded. 

“I was hoping, but I didn’t expect that,” Louis said when they both settled after the peak. They were still tied together and Harry could still feel himself pulsing, but his thoughts had regained order and he wasn’t lost to the sensation. 

“Me too,” he nodded, fingers cramped from their tight grip now that they rested limply against Louis’ thighs. “How long will this last, do you think?” 

“Did you take a pill?” Louis asked, still rocking subconsciously against him. Harry nodded. “Probably longer than normal, then. Maybe 15 minutes? Really depends.” 

“I really didn’t expect to pop my knot for the first time like this,” Harry said with a breathy laugh, pulling his fingers through his hair that was growing longer though it was thinner than it had been before. 

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” Louis teased and rolled his eyes, clenching around him which made Harry groan. 

“It’s good! I just meant the circumstances. I hadn’t imagined the last year of my life like this either.” 

“Hopefully you can put that part behind you soon,” Louis said, his fingers tracing patterns on Harry’s stomach. “The data suggests that there is a sharp increase in recovery time after an alpha can finally knot. Not all have the ability to or want to… but those who do have a better quality of life after their body acknowledges that it’s happened. Most relapses happen much later in life after that. It kind of halts the progression.” 

“So I should have just found an omega to knot in the first place?” 

“It’s not that simple. It’s hard to diagnose at first because there isn’t one symptom that indicates DRS. Don’t beat yourself up about that part of it.”

“I know. I’m mostly past that.” 

Louis carefully rearranged himself so he could tuck his face just under Harry’s jaw. Harry bent his knees and shifted so they could both be more comfortable while they waited out their tie. 

“Do you really think I’ll have to take pills to get hard for the rest of my life?” Harry asked after a comfortable silence. 

Louis shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. I can’t diagnose circulatory issues or what might be permanent. I think you have a good chance of recovering like I told you before. But you won’t know until you work on it. It’s just like any other part of the body. You have to build up strength again. It’s one of the only times your medical professionals will tell you to regularly jerk off.” 

Harry chuckled and buried his nose in Louis hair to pin his exact scent to memory so he could recall it when he was feeling lonely. He wished he didn’t have to. 

It was a while before Harry finally deflated enough for him to slip out and the two of them rinsed off together in his shower before Louis had to leave. 

“I’m glad we tried one more time. It’s a success story in my opinion,” Louis said as he pulled on his jacked. 

“I’m glad we did too.” 

There were a million things Harry wanted to say but knew none of them were appropriate. Louis was just doing him a favour, one that would probably cost him his job if anyone found out. 

“Thank you for doing this for me,” Harry said, wrapping Louis in a hug despite his better judgement. He was thankful when Louis hugged him back just as tight. 

“Of course. It’s been really nice working with you.” 

“Yeah, you too.” 

They parted and the pause was awkward before Louis gave a little wave, a small goodbye and slipped out of his apartment. Even though Harry was sad to see him go, he couldn’t deny how good he felt in his own skin. The small recharges he’d sucked from Louis in the hospital were so amplified he felt like skipping around the room. 

He didn’t, but turned and went back to his room, faceplanting on his bed with a huge smile on his face. He knew he was going to be just fine. 

  
  



	2. my hand's at risk, I fold

It was eleven in the morning when Louis finally woke up, surprised his body had allowed him to sleep so late. His schedule had been intense in the last few weeks as he’d started his transition to take more touch therapy patients at the children’s hospital. He’d always been drawn to working with kids and helping with methods for reducing anxiety or gaining the trust of a child who may not have had a positive experience with adults made him feel like he was making an impact. 

Falling into his line of work by accident, the sexual side of his career had always been a short term plan. It interested him and he was dedicated to helping people and giving himself to them was an unexpected way to do so. Eventually he knew he’d want to settle down and having sex with patients wasn’t something even he wanted to do with kids and an alpha at home. It was just coming a little sooner than he expected it would. 

It was for the best. He’d made some mistakes with his last case, the pull of emotional involvement causing him to make some unprofessional decisions he wasn’t sure if he would regret. Going to a patient’s home off the record went against every policy and ethical standard he usually held himself to. It would be the one thing looming over him that he hoped would never surface as he moved through his career. It was probably foolish to trust Harry to keep that information safe, but for some reason, he had. 

He dragged himself into the bathroom and opened the cabinet for his daily pills. In his line of work, he’d been on a strict regimen of birth control that he tried not to interrupt. There were his quarterly heat suppressant shots, the pills to discourage ovulation, and the ones that kept his uterine lining thing so a fertilized egg couldn’t implant on the off chance that it happened. It was a failsafe on top of failsafe. 

Pulling out the blister packs, he popped the first pill out and then moved onto the second when he paused. The tiny print above the pill read Wednesday and he quickly picked up the second to see the same day printed over the foil he’d just broken. He checked his phone just to be sure he hadn’t mixed up his days and was late for work, but the screen clearly stated that it was Saturday. 

_ “Fuck,” _ he whispered as he stared down at the packages in shock. Had he really been so busy that he’d forgotten his pills three days in a row? He rarely, if ever, even missed one. 

He sank down on the closed lid of the toilet and tried to trace his steps back to every morning of the past week. They were all a blur of overslept alarms and early appointments and he couldn’t clearly say whether he had or hadn’t fully gone through the motions of brushing his teeth and taking his pills. The evidence was clear that he hadn’t. 

Trying not to think about it as he went through the rest of his morning routine, he figured he’d been on the pills so long anyway that there would be enough in his system to stop anything that may have potentially happened when Harry knotted him the day before. Plus, Harry was in the advanced stages of DRS when they’d met. The probability was high that he was already sterile before they’d even started their therapy sessions though he didn’t think any tests had been performed to check yet. He didn’t remember seeing any in his charts nor had Harry mentioned it. With the other symptoms of the disease, they usually waited for any fertility tests until the patient was recovering or attempting to start a family. It wasn’t high on the list of priorities when their body was attacking itself.

As hard as he tried, he couldn’t completely erase the worry from the back of his mind, which was why he was sure it was anxiety induced when he started to feel dizzy and nauseated in the mornings on his way to work after a few weeks. He ignored it for as long as he could until he stepped out of his car and immediately lost his breakfast on the pavement of the parking lot, embarrassingly with more than one witness. 

Assuming it was the flu, his colleagues sent him home despite his protests. He couldn’t stop the worry after actually making himself sick. Something was either going on or he needed work through his anxieties before he ended up in the hospital himself. He stopped by a drug store on the way home for a pregnancy test to finally put his mind at ease. If it was all in his head, he needed to rule this out so he could move on with his life. 

Without wasting time, he pissed on the stick and paced along the hallway outside the bathroom until the tone of his timer on his phone made him jump. 

He took a deep breath to center himself and then gathered his courage to pick up the little stick. He stared in shock and then immediately grabbed another test from the pack to try it again. It had to be a false positive. He couldn’t be pregnant. He would lose everything if he was pregnant. 

The sink was filled with the crumpled wrappers from each hastily ripped open test before he finally allowed the results to sink in. He was pregnant. By a patient. A patient he’d slept with off the record weeks after he was officially out of Louis’ care. He was going to lose not only his job, but his career. Everything about this was bad. 

Briefly, he looked at his options but knew he wouldn’t be happy if he was always left to wonder “what if”. When he searched harder, he realized that maybe it was because the baby was Harry’s that made him want to keep it even though being together wasn’t a realistic option. 

He was terrified of being a parent alone, especially if he lost his source of income when the facts came to light. It wasn’t until he sat with a paper gown draped over his naked body hearing his baby’s heartbeat for the first time that his plan began to form. He marked that he knew the alpha on the form and marked that the alpha was aware of the pregnancy. It was an outdated question so he didn’t feel as bad lying as he ticked the box. He needed his story to be consistent if he was going to pull it off and, although it wasn’t supposed to happen, he knew anyone he worked with could potentially pull up his files if they wanted to risk it. It was the downfall of the health coverage he had through his employer requiring him to see doctors affiliated with the university hospital. 

He held off telling anyone for as long as he could, the unforgiving and unstretchable fabric of the cartoon character scrubs he wore in the children’s hospital finally giving him away. 

“I know! It was a little unexpected,” Louis laughed with some of the nurses when they called him out. “He travels a lot for work so when he’s home, we kind of go overboard, you know what I mean? It just kind of happened.” 

“That’s why you wanted to start taking more children’s cases!” someone exclaimed and, while Louis’ hadn’t thought about that, it was a detail that supported his cause. 

“You know how jealous alphas can get,” he laughed, his forced smiles overlooked as they wanted to know more. 

He knew he was digging himself into an elaborate hole but hoped he could pull it off long enough for a break up that would leave him as a believable single parent by the time the baby was born. 

He went to his appointments alone and got his soothers on his own dime from a clinic on the other side of town when it all felt too overwhelming. It was ironic that it was Louis needing the synthetic alpha replacement when he had been just the opposite for Harry. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t have any support. His family was always there for him and he knew he could call on the few friends he had outside of the hospital for anything as well. Everything was going to be alright. 

  
  


Every day was a long day now that Louis had trouble sleeping for more than a few hours at a time each night. His back ached, his feet ached, his everything ached as the demon baby stretching him out and kicked him every time he had a moment of relief. It was all he could do to keep himself from punching the first person who ever said that pregnancy was a magical time in an omega’s life. It certainly wasn’t very magical for Louis, unless he had a very inaccurate image of what magic should be. 

It was also becoming more difficult to keep up his lies about his mysterious traveling alpha when he felt ready to snap at any moment. He could plant the seed of their impending breakup, but he also dreaded the coddling that would happen once he finally broke it off with his fictional lover. He just wanted to be left alone until the thing finally decided to pop out of him. Just a couple months to go, weeks less than two hand’s worth of fingers. 

It was finally his lunch break, food the only thing that kept him going since he was always hungry and craving anything edible. He was so focused on today’s shitty beef stroganoff that he wasn’t paying attention to anything else. 

It wasn’t until he grabbed his tray and stepped into line that something caught his attention and he froze. He sniffed the air and slowly turned until his eyes caught sight of someone digging in their pockets at the register. With longer hair and more meat on his frame than the last time Louis had seen him, there was no question that it was Harry just yards away from him. 

There was a split second where he thought he might run, but before he could actualize his plans, their eyes locked and there was nothing Louis could do. He could do nothing but stand there as Harry’s eyes scanned his body and widened at what he saw. The flare of his nostrils caused Louis’ stomach to drop as any explanation his mind rushed to find were dead before they even began. He knew. There was no way he didn’t. 

The cashier brought Harry’s attention back and Louis used the moment to turn for his own food though he wasn’t very hungry anymore. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep down anything he ate, even with his stomach still rumbling. 

Louis went through the rest of the line and paid, purposefully not looking back towards the seating area so their eyes wouldn’t meet again. He secretly hoped Harry had just been a hallucination or that he’d already be gone when he finally gathered the courage to look. 

Neither of those were true when he stepped past the cashier and found Harry waiting for him on the other side. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Louis beat him to it. 

“What are you doing here?” 

He didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh and he winced when he saw the hurt flash across Harry’s face. 

“I had to come in for a bunch of heart tests,” Harry answered with a deep crease between his brows that Louis wanted to smooth away. 

“You look like you’re doing well,” Louis commented because he really did. He was filling out in all the places he’d been frail and even the tone of his skin looked healthier. 

“Yeah, I’m feeling really good. I started back this semester, even.” 

Louis nodded and glanced to his side. The tray resting against the top of his belly was getting heavy and all he wanted to do was sit down, so he did. He pulled the chair out at the nearest table and set his tray down not even caring that Harry followed him without being invited. 

“You look--” 

“I’m going to stop you right there because I don’t want to hear another word about how I’m fucking glowing,” Louis rolled his eyes and pushed his noddles around with his fork for something to do. 

“I--” Harry’s eyes were focused on the top of Louis’ belly that was visible over the table. “Mine?” he asked like it was the only word he could come up with. 

Louis glanced around and then let the tension drop from his shoulders. 

“Yes, yours,” he responded softly, not brave enough to meet Harry’s eyes when he said it. 

“Why didn’t you--”

“You were my patient, Harry, I didn’t want to lose my job,” he hissed softly but kept the bite out of his tone. 

“Is that why I started getting better so fast?” Harry questioned sounding confused. 

“It’s possible,” Louis nodded. He didn’t know how Harry had been doing. He refused to look or to ask anyone that might still be seeing him as a patient. It was better to cut all ties. 

“Wow, I--” 

Louis cut him off yet again, not wanting to hear any false promises or grand gestures. 

“You don’t have to say anything, Harry. You don’t have to do anything or say anything. I wasn’t planning for you to find out.” 

Harry frowned and watched as Louis aggressively stabbed at the food on his plate. 

“I know you don’t want me to be your alpha, but you could have at least told me.” 

“It’s not that,” Louis lowered his voice and nervously glanced around them again, “Of course I want you to be my alpha, but it isn’t really that simple.” 

“You want me to be your alpha?” Harry’s brows raised in surprise. 

“You were my  _ patient, _ Harry. There are policies against this kind of thing.” 

“But you made me sign that paper so it was obviously a possibility!” 

Harry’s voice was growing louder and any minute someone could walk by and the whole illusion Louis had carefully created would be shattered. 

“I can’t do this right now,” Louis said and got up. He didn’t look behind him to see if Harry was on his heels and slipped past the closest employees only door in case he was. 

Everything felt off the rest of the day and Louis couldn’t concentrate on anything. The simple hand games that had taken weeks for the little girl in front of him to actually try should have been a reason to celebrate. She was so timid and just the quick touch of her palm against his was a big deal. Children had a way of seeing through forced smiles and Louis hoped she didn’t pick up on how disconnected he was or think that it was because of her. That was the opposite of what he was there for. 

His last session stretched on for ages until he was finally free. Free until thoughts from his run in with Harry snapped back full force, anyway. He shrugged on his light jacket and trudged towards the parking ramp as he lost himself in reliving the conversation. Harry was such a gentle alpha and he definitely didn’t deserve the calm response he’d received

He paused when he saw a figure leaning against his car and then relaxed when he saw who it was. 

“How did you know which car was mine?” Louis asked the alpha as he approached. 

Harry shrugged. “I half figured it out and half guessed.” 

“Well, you found me,” Louis said awkwardly as he stood a few feet away, unsure how to act. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. I was surprised, but it wasn’t the right setting for a conversation.” 

He almost laughed that it was Harry apologizing to him when it should have been the other way around. 

“No, it’s fine. I just made up some story to tell people at the hospital and I got a little weird that someone might overhear.” 

Harry nodded and moved a stray rock around with the tip of his boot. 

“Sooooo, wow, I guess,” Harry said with a small laugh, “Though if I’m being honest, I have thought about it at least a handful of times.” 

“Really?” Louis blurted out before he could stop himself. 

“Yeah. I took your advice and it was a recurring fantasy I guess you could say.” 

It was Louis’ turn to be surprised. He’d been sure Harry hadn’t thought of him again once they’d finally prompted his knot to pop. It was easier that way when there wasn’t supposed to be any emotional attachments. For Louis, there usually wasn’t. Harry had always been the exception. 

“I doubt the reality is as appealing as the fantasy.” 

With a breathy laugh, Louis lifted his arms and rotated in place to show off the round belly that was always getting in his way lately. 

“Better, actually,” Harry said and blushed. “I never pictured you quite as far along. I think I like the reality more now that I’m seeing it.” 

“Harry, don’t be stupid,” Louis huffed and shook his head. 

“I’m not!” Harry took a few steps closer and lifted his hands towards Louis’ belly. “Can I?” 

Louis gave a nod and anxiety zipped through him as Harry’s hands spread over his belly through his shirt. They were warm and much nicer than any of his coworkers who touched it whether Louis wanted them to or not. 

He didn’t realize he was clearly scenting the air surrounding them until Harry’s hand came up to rest on his jaw. 

“You smell so good,” he said with his voice deep, “So good.” 

Louis whimpered as he actually felt himself get wet, his body craving the touch of the alpha that mated him.

“Get in the car,” Louis’ voice was unsteady as he fumbled for his keys and pressed the button to unlock the doors and ushered him towards the back seat. 

Harry scooted over across the seat before Louis followed him in, slamming the door behind him before pulling Harry forward by his shirt. 

They were kissing the next second, the first kiss they’d shared lip to lip even after all their sexual encounters. 

“You’re wet,” Harry moaned and Louis had never been more thankful for stretchy maternity pants as Harry got his hand inside them and started to explore. It wasn’t exactly comfortable working around his pregnant stomach, but it was good enough for Louis’ touch starved body. 

His own hand wandered up Harry’s thigh, unsure of what he would find. He gasped against Harry’s lips when he found him hard in his jeans, a streak of smug pride running through him that it was even there because of his efforts in their sessions. 

“Did you anticipate this?” Louis asked against his lips and hoped that Harry understood what he was implying without actually saying it. 

“No. Don’t need to,” Harry answered just as his thick finger slid into Louis’ body. Louis gasped. 

“Fuck me, Harry,” Louis begged, feeling high from the drag of his finger. 

“Come back to mine?” 

Louis shook his head. “Here.”

There wasn’t a lot of room and it took some awkward movement of limbs until Louis was on all fours across the seat and Harry was hunched over and kneeling from behind. 

Harry was bigger than he remembered him being when he pushed in, both of them moaning as the car windows fogged up around them. 

“Always wanted to do this to you,” Harry mumbled breathlessly against Louis’ shoulder before starting a slow, deep pace. 

“Wanted you too,” Louis admitted and thought back to all the times he denied letting himself want it. 

They’d only removed clothing that was absolutely necessary, the restriction of movement not enough to stop them. 

“Thought about it a lot,” Harry panted against Louis neck before making a show of scenting him. 

It felt so good that Louis lost himself to it, Harry’s scent and warmth wrapping him up and soothing his body until he was coming all over his seat. He felt Harry slam in deep, his knot expanded as he realized he was going to have a really hard time cleaning the come out of the fabric. 

The release of endorphins overshaded the thought as Harry came, their bodies tied together. 

“We didn’t really think this through,” Louis laughed when his legs started to tingle and his back screamed at him with the weight of his belly dragging it down. 

Harry laughed, but there wasn’t much they could do until he was able to pull out. He wrapped his arms around Louis to help support him and they rode it out as it thankfully didn’t last very long. 

“Where in the parking ramp where you work,” Harry laughed when they sat back and straightened out their clothes. 

“I hope no one was paying attention,” Louis shook his head but honestly didn’t much care anymore. 

They came down together in a comfortable silence, their hands finding each other’s between them. 

“I don’t really have much to offer you but a huge medical debt and the hope that I’ll pass the bar exam, but I’d really like to be involved if you’ll let me.” 

Harry’s voice was stripped and honest but held a confidence that Louis never heard when he was ill. It was the most significant sign that he’d regained control of his life from the sickness that had nearly taken him out. It really wouldn’t have mattered to Louis either way, but it was nice to see how far he’d come. 

“I’d really like that,” Louis answered honestly, squeezing his hand and offering him a smile that felt like the first real one he’d expressed for a long time. 

“Even if it’s just as a dad,” Harry amended quickly. 

“No, I think you’d be better as my alpha.” 

Harry’s grin spread to match the one Louis was sure he was sporting and they stared at each other like a pair of lovesick teenagers. 

“That sounds good to me,” Harry said as he leaned in for another kiss, “But why don’t you let me take you on a date first.” 

Louis laughed but agreed, pulling Harry forward into another kiss like it was their first. 


End file.
